Posted by Cliodhna
green is clean
and trees are green
but thats a josh
cause trees don’t wash
A brief nugget of deep wisdom for ya’ll, from my younger years, there are others but I think one is enough and it ties in with the theme of green.
After thinking about how green it is here in comparison to where I have been I took photos of my parents wood. Its not very big as woods go but it is a beech wood and is airy and light and the air beneath the leaves glows green.
The wild garlic takes over from early march to mid july and is wonderful to look at and smell and very good to eat. It has a subtle flavour but one that is quite distinctive.
Enjoy the greeness! it is quite a feast for the eyes, I tell ya…
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Posted by Cliodhna
Here is a story to keep you all entertained for a while my best beloveds…
How the Whale got his Throat,
Ruyard Kipling
HOW THE WHALE GOT HIS THROAT
IN the sea, once upon a time, O my Best Beloved, there was a
Whale, and he ate fishes. He ate the starfish and the garfish,
and the crab and the dab, and the plaice and the dace, and the
skate and his mate, and the mackereel and the pickereel, and the
really truly twirly-whirly eel. All the fishes he could find in
all the sea he ate with his mouth–so! Till at last there was
only one small fish left in all the sea, and he was a small
‘Stute Fish, and he swam a little behind the Whale’s right ear,
so as to be out of harm’s way. Then the Whale stood up on his
tail and said, ‘I’m hungry.’ And the small ‘Stute Fish said in a
small ’stute voice, ‘Noble and generous Cetacean, have you ever
tasted Man?’
‘No,’ said the Whale. ‘What is it like?’
‘Nice,’ said the small ‘Stute Fish. ‘Nice but nubbly.’
‘Then fetch me some,’ said the Whale, and he made the sea froth
up with his tail.
‘One at a time is enough,’ said the ‘Stute Fish. ‘If you swim to
latitude Fifty North, longitude Forty West (that is magic), you
will find, sitting _on_ a raft, _in_ the middle of the sea, with
nothing on but a pair of blue canvas breeches, a pair of suspenders
(you must _not_ forget the suspenders, Best Beloved), and a jack-
knife, one ship-wrecked Mariner, who, it is only fair to tell you,
is a man of infinite-resource-and-sagacity.’
So the Whale swam and swam to latitude Fifty North, longitude
Forty West, as fast as he could swim, and _on_ a raft, _in_ the
middle of the sea, _with_ nothing to wear except a pair of blue
canvas breeches, a pair of suspenders (you must particularly
remember the suspenders, Best Beloved), _and_ a jack-knife, he
found one single, solitary shipwrecked Mariner, trailing his
toes in the water. (He had his mummy’s leave to paddle, or else
he would never have done it, because he was a man of infinite-
resource-and-sagacity.)
Then the Whale opened his mouth back and back and back till it
nearly touched his tail, and he swallowed the shipwrecked
Mariner, and the raft he was sitting on, and his blue canvas
breeches, and the suspenders (which you _must_ not forget), _and_
the jack-knife–He swallowed them all down into his warm, dark,
inside cup-boards, and then he smacked his lips–so, and turned
round three times on his tail.
But as soon as the Mariner, who was a man of infinite-resource-
and-sagacity, found himself truly inside the Whale’s warm, dark,
inside cup-boards, he stumped and he jumped and he thumped and
he bumped, and he pranced and he danced, and he banged and he
clanged, and he hit and he bit, and he leaped and he creeped, and
he prowled and he howled, and he hopped and he dropped, and he
cried and he sighed, and he crawled and he bawled, and he stepped
and he lepped, and he danced hornpipes where he shouldn’t, and
the Whale felt most unhappy indeed. (_Have_ you forgotten the
suspenders?)
So he said to the ‘Stute Fish, ‘This man is very nubbly, and
besides he is making me hiccough. What shall I do?’
‘Tell him to come out,’ said the ‘Stute Fish.
So the Whale called down his own throat to the shipwrecked
Mariner, ‘Come out and behave yourself. I’ve got the hiccoughs.’
‘Nay, nay!’ said the Mariner. ‘Not so, but far otherwise. Take
me to my natal-shore and the white-cliffs-of-Albion, and I’ll
think about it.’ And he began to dance more than ever.
‘You had better take him home,’ said the ‘Stute Fish to the
Whale. ‘I ought to have warned you that he is a man of
infinite-resource-and-sagacity.’
So the Whale swam and swam and swam, with both flippers and his
tail, as hard as he could for the hiccoughs; and at last he saw
the Mariner’s natal-shore and the white-cliffs-of-Albion, and
he rushed half-way up the beach, and opened his mouth wide and
wide and wide, and said, ‘Change here for Winchester, Ashuelot,
Nashua, Keene, and stations on the _Fitch_burg Road;’ and just as
he said ‘Fitch’ the Mariner walked out of his mouth. But while
the Whale had been swimming, the Mariner, who was indeed a person
of infinite-resource-and-sagacity, had taken his jack-knife and
cut up the raft into a little square grating all running criss-
cross, and he had tied it firm with his suspenders (_now_, you
know why you were not to forget the suspenders!), and he dragged
that grating good and tight into the Whale’s throat, and there
it stuck! Then he recited the following _Sloka_, which, as you
have not heard it, I will now proceed to relate–
By means of a grating
I have stopped your ating.
For the Mariner he was also an Hi-ber-ni-an. And he stepped out
on the shingle, and went home to his mother, who had given him
leave to trail his toes in the water; and he married and lived
happily ever afterward. So did the Whale. But from that day on,
the grating in his throat, which he could neither cough up nor
swallow down, prevented him eating anything except very, very
small fish; and that is the reason why whales nowadays never eat
men or boys or little girls.
The small ‘Stute Fish went and hid himself in the mud under the
Door-sills of the Equator. He was afraid that the Whale might be
angry with him.
The Sailor took the jack-knife home. He was wearing the blue
canvas breeches when he walked out on the shingle. The suspenders
were left behind, you see, to tie the grating with; and that is
the end of _that_ tale.
WHEN the cabin port-holes are dark and green
Because of the seas outside;
When the ship goes _wop_ (with a wiggle between)
And the steward falls into the soup-tureen,
And the trunks begin to slide;
When Nursey lies on the floor in a heap,
And Mummy tells you to let her sleep,
And you aren’t waked or washed or dressed,
Why, then you will know (if you haven’t guessed)
You’re ‘Fifty North and Forty West!’
Posted by Cliodhna
I was on a yoga and meditation day on saturday down in Claire just beside the burren in a place called the Holywell. Amazing place. I said to a friend, the grass is so green here in Ireland! and she smiled and said You sound just like an american. I laughed, its true, americans generally when they come here at some point will say exactly that.
But it is true about the grass,, coming from where I have been living in mexico, high desert, where the plants struggle for water and the cattle and horses are bone skinny and are constantly cropping close little brown spiky tufts of grass, to come here is to marvel at the greeness and the softness of the ground. I was scrubbing for wild garlic in the wood yesterday and was amazed at the depth of the moistness and softness. Old leaves and moss and returning to earth mulch. In mexico I learn to see the subtle colours and little signs of life and signs of water and new buds on a tree stand out from miles away. Here there is no stopping it.
On the car front I bought a 1998 Ford escort, metallic blue, reaaaaalllllllly cool! the first day it was home I kept taking sneak peeks out my window just to look at it. Insurance was bought yesterday and I am collecting the owners papers tomorrow so i can tax and register it. and then there will be no more excuses!
On an art front, not doing a whole lot right now, I am missing some permanent studio space what with coming here and then for the last while in mexico being in transit between old guanajuato and new chihuahua. (more about that later) But I have one commission from the parents for an embroidery for a 50th wedding anniversary, a commision for a childs mural that needs to be discussed and talked about, a craft competition to enter for and a gallery to find. Lots of doing things in front of me. Ok, off to bray to apply for a new passport and call into the fabric store and oohh and aahh over their wonderful things…
love and light ya’ll !
Posted by Cliodhna
I was doing my recap today when I was thinking that doing personal work like the workshops I do in the Toltec is like unraveling a big twisted knot. You have to find an end and start there and work your way into the centre of the knot. Start with the little knots and they will give you energy (inner strength) to face the biggies when they come along. Sometimes a big one just melts away unexpectably and you have a few yards of free wool before you reach the next tangle. Patience and doing things in the proper order is called for, no point tackling a knot if there is one before it that needs to be done first.
As a mirror to this I realised a few days ago that lessons arrive as I need to learn them. It gives me a wonderful sense of freedom when I realise I don’t have to control me or my world, that all flows as it should. I wrote a big hippy post about a while ago to do with snowflakes and water and reiki. Let the energy flow and it will go where it needs to. Hard to let go sometimes though, old habits come up and I catch myself trying to change or ‘fix’ someone or something.
What got me thinking about this was that instead of looking at something big like family issues in my recap today I decided to look at driving. I am 35 and I am just really starting. Partly of course I had a bike for years and it was all I needed in a city and also Irelands heavy Insurance/car tax but they are just excuses to me not getting my own car and starting to drive. I realised it was down to the same old chestnut of me not feeling up to situations that might arise. Future dread. Possibilities of failure. Of course when I do get behind a wheel and drive I am very calm and sorted and well capable and I feel amazing after having done it. I just need practise. I have to demand and insist I drive to get past the block, instead of what I have done in the past of just letting others drive.
I saw a cool ford escort today. I might look at another tomorrow morning but I reckon its going to be one of those two. !!
exciting!
Posted by Cliodhna
so update.. my dad actually refused to go with us yesterday! he huffed and puffed a bit and said he didn’t know the first thing about cars. I think he is threatened by anything slightly different or maybe he doesn’t trust his own instincts. I don’t know. I do remember getting a few driving lessons from him years ago and after the third time I had bunny-hopped the car down the driveway him sitting there like a Mount Vesuvius of frustration. Tsk… heavy sigh… ok cliodhna, try it again. I think I have attached a lot of emotional trauma to that piece of machinery called a clutch. 
I got lessons last year from a very calm instructor who explained very clearly how to do it and it was great! no problem and now I have Paul in Mexico who is a great teacher. He doesn’t get impatient. Its also an automatic car but good to get road experience without having to worry about changing gears.
So me and Eoin set off on a shopping trip. One car smelt like a portaloo that had been sitting in the sun all day, not bad smell but that chemical they use in them. Another car sounded funny even to my ears. We say a car shaped like a jaguar that was a copy and a car shaped like an old car from the 40’s that was ten years old, and we saw Herbie and a really beautiful red mini with tartan uphosltery. We saw a merc that Eoin wanted and we test drove a really nice Toyota Corolla that is on my list as ‘the most likely car I am going to buy’ spotlessly clean with perfect service history. Eoin said it drove really nice. (Eoin has a vested interest in all this because once I leave the car will be turned over to his care!)
Going to see a Ford escort this morning. I have learnt more about cars in the last few days than I knew in my whole life I think. Eoin on the other hand since the age of three has been pointing out car windows at cars that flash past saying “look! a ford prius skolla tummty from 19– with alloy tires”
me? “Look! a green car!”
Posted by Cliodhna
…who of course both know sooooo much more than me and can’t agree about anything.
Conversation example
Dad, can we go and test drive a few cars today? Daughter, wait till next week until Mr Driver is back so he can vet them. Son says, I don’t trust Mr Driver.
Dad, They are all NCT’d and taxed and there are six in bray I would like to look at. Daughter dear why would anyone nct a car, tax it and then try to sell it? I don’t know dad, can we just go and see them. They will sell you a pig in a poke says he.
Eoin at this point is still asleep being a nocturnal animal generally. I see trouble when we actually go to test drive these cars. Eoin figures he knows more than anyone else about anything and so does my dad. Sigh
I really just want a really cool car, an old one like the ones I see around mexico. From the 70’s, a big wide ford, or one with curvly shaped body bits and old wooden dashboards. Cars are really boring these days. There is a volkswagen beetle for sale here for 7000 euro. My god, they are two a penny in mexico. Everyone drives one. They are amazing little cars, they just go and go and go and go, up mountains and down hills and still keeping on going.
Posted by Cliodhna
this picture is about the judge that lives in us. I find him very strong sometimes. The guilt that tells us we have done a bad thing, the voice that says we shouldn’t have fun, should be more successful, more happy, more creative, more talented, more whatever. It is also the voice which judges other people too. We judge outside of ourselves so we don’t have to face our own perceived shortcomings. The judge in the picture is not touching the ground because he is not connected with the earth but lives entirely in the mind.
There is healing going on here too though, my higher self sees the judge giving out to the small child and is sending healing energy.
Down with the judge! We are all perfect just the way we are…
The next picture is tears. I find I go straight to tears whenI am doing emotional work. Part of it is buried anxiety or hidden fears or old sadnesses that I haven’t faced and which have built up and part of it is fear of letting go, the mind wants to hang onto to its control as long as it possibly can. I have actually gotten quite accepting of crying in front of people and very accepting of other people crying. I am happy to sit and be a witness, give support and just let them go through their process.
I am sitting in my parents house in Ireland writing this and it is beautiful outside. A perfect irish summer day. Sunny, calm, birds singing. I am going to have breakfast and then go for a walk in the mountains.
x clio
Posted by Cliodhna
my nephew, who I haven’t met yet. Very soon. I can’t believe I am an auntie, its great! My parents are finally grandparents. He is going to be the most spoilt grandkid in history, but then thats what grandparents are for isn’t it?
I get asked a lot here in mexico as to why I don’t have kids. They don’t understand the fact that I don’t want them. Women get pitying looks on their face and try to persuade me to give Paul a child. He is amazing with small children, they instantly adore him. But he is happy with what I want and thats what matters. It can annoy me sometimes when women here try to tell me I am missing out by not having children. I think sometimes women have children to fill a hole in their lives, to have someone to love. Not most of the time, but sometimes I wonder where the utter desperate need to have a child comes from in some women I meet or when they meet a woman who is happy without children to try to persuade her she is not a whole person without them. I feel for them, especially if they are trying and not succeeding to get pregnant. That must be hard, to want something that your body refuses to give you when it happens so easily for others.
I think the cultural identity of women is bound up in having children, especially in a society which is still male dominated and full of maschimo. The house is the womans centre of power here and she has to fulfill her role or she isn’t a ‘proper’ woman. In the village I was staying in recently the young women were watched by their brothers and fathers to make sure no improper behaviour took place. Made me appreciate growing up in Ireland.
Of course when they do get to me I realise there is a part of me that wonders what it would be like, “Am I missing out?” and sometimes (round the middle of my monthly cycle when the hormones are raging) I think ‘Lets do it!’ then that passes and I think phew.. Actually Paul was the first guy I was ever with I actually thought that about. It was really strange. I was afraid I was going to get ‘accidently’ pregnant so I went on the pill for a while. I want too many things for myself this life, I look at my life and where I want to be in the future and children just don’t appear in the picture. They are amazing and wonderful and they change your life and they bring a love with them that is so strong it can change the world, I just don’t feel the need to have my own, I am going to have to find that connection to the world myself, that power and love and bring it forth. Because thats what children give us, that connection to pure spiritual unconditional love that has no boundries and no limits. But we feel it for them because it is always present in us and we can feel that for the whole world.
I am just going to have to spoil my nephew and my friends kids and be the mad auntie who lives in strange parts of the world and comes to visit bearing gifts and sweets.
xx to all you childless women out there, whether by choice or not, there is an identity for women past the titles ‘mother’ and ‘grandmother’ and xx to all you women with children, if you ever need a babysitter I shall be glad to hang with the madness for a while. I used to babysit two small boys of a friend of mine a lot and it was organised chaos, amazing and I adored them but I was always happy to see her come home too, they wore me out and their batteries were still up and going. I think kids get duracell and adults have changed into a weaker brand.
Posted by Cliodhna
I had a dream years and years ago and I was sitting beside a canyon looking at an old leatherbound book which had the words “Where dragons be and how to find them” written on the front cover. I was looking at the index page because of course I wanted to know how to find them when up the canyon a huge bird came soaring. It dissolved into a thousand pixelly parts and then reformed facing towards me and took off past me with such power. I was left sitting there with my mouth open but no-one else saw it in the dream. I never did find out how to find dragons, guess I wasn’t supposed to know that information at that time.
I have changed a lot since that time. I lived in my dreams back then, It was quite cool for a while, I could dream on order and I had all sorts of mad strange lessons and journeys and I think looking back I was learning a lot on a level I didn’t know about. Time came though when I realized I wasn’t capable of holding down a proper job or manifesting all these dreams I had into reality. I was so afraid of failing (or succeeding) or making mistakes or not being able to live up to my own dreams and my knowledge about myself that I was stuck in this world and so I made the decision to come out, to quit obsessing about my inner world and start manifesting in my outer one.
The thing I know about myself is that I always get what I ask for.. always.. and this is not from an ego point of view, it amazes me sometimes when I look back and remember ‘Oh yeah, I asked for this, cool, thanks universe’. Of course this cuts both ways, I remember being frustrated with myself that I wasn’t in touch with my negative emotions, I was living on the surface all the time. Boy oh boy did I have a doozer of a year and a half after that wish but I came out the other side wiser and more in touch with myself and more accepting of my negativity and smarting from a few painful lessons.
So to come to place I think of as the Jonathon Livingston Seagull place. To learn how to ‘not ask’ but to stand so still you can traverse time and space. To learn how to be in that precious space of peace where creativity flows without hindrance, without judgement or comparison or fear or dissaproval. To leave ‘trying’ behind and just be. To let myself do that with my art and my pictures but also my life. Let it flow to where it needs to go so always I am in the right place , and the right place is always here.
I feel right now I am on the beginning of a cycle, cool feeling, I am planning work, wanting to get down to it. more oil pictures, these pictures I’m doing for threadless will get turned into embroideries. Patience, plant some seeds and see what sprouts. I said to someone recently my lesson is slow development and patience with myself is something I have had to learn. Let things develop slowly, don’t rush, don’t push, I will get to where I want to go to eventually with my stuff well learnt and well prepared, with calmness and in heart.
I am settling with Paul also, wonderful feeling of deepness that I always just accepted I would probably never find and of course scared the shit out of me when it arrived . Just to make ya’ll jealous here is a picture of the swimming hole we were in recently and I was swimming in a looking around at where I had found myself in my life saying “Cool! thanks universe”
Posted by Cliodhna
I am coming back to Ireland in a week! how soon time rolls around…
Back to mists and mellow fruitfulness and away from my new found watering hole under a railway bridge and constant sun and dust (dust has permeated my pores, especially since the water in the house we are staying in ran out so no showers or washing dishes) and dogs sleeping away the day and barking at each other all night.
So news for those of ye in Ireland who are interested in self discovery and exploration and healing of the body and being. There is some workshops happening now and for May in Co Claire in a retreat (language school) called Holywell. Its on the edge of the burren and a very inspiring place to be. The work is Toltec and is about facing yourself and your wounds and healing them. The teacher is Luis Molinar who was an apprentice to Miguel Ruiz who wrote ‘The Four Agreements” and “The Mastery of Love” and he is a very understanding gentle teacher. I have worked with him now for about four years, various workshops in Ireland and trips to the pyramids in mexico.
Dreaming is changing your dream. We are dreaming right now, creating our world from the energy we carry and send out and everything we see is a reflection of our inner being, the beautiful side as well as the side we don’t want to admit to carrrying. In dreaming you take the limited side and literally re-dream it. Change takes place on a deep level.
I always find I have changed after doing these workshops even if it seems nothing was happening at the time. Its like a glacier melting. Small streams grow to big streams and then all of a sudden when you are least expecting it a whole big chunk falls off and there is a lighter quality of being. I love doing them, I love the quality of energy that surrounds them and that stays with me after I leave the world of the course and go back out into the big world again.
For me also its about getting rid of all pre-conceptions I have about the world. All the ways of looking at the world I was taught growing up and that I don’t want anymore. To be able to really see the world through love and not through the smoky mirror of my own thoughts and habits. Leap of faith into true freedom of spirit.
I have posted the poster but if anyone wants a bigger file of it post a comment or email me and I’ll send it to you. He is also doing private sessions of an hour long in his house in claire but they fill up fast and sure maybe see you at a workshop!
I will be going to the yoga day and then the Language of love. There is a mens workshop also. I know this is kinda short notice but I have been distracted lately, hard to get to internet and then when I generally did have it I was working so not much room for keeping up with the list of ‘things to do’. There is a link to Luis’s site in my blogroll or here http://toltecheartwisdom.com/
love and light!
